A colleague recently started a discussion about the top ten reasons to avoid Edinburgh whilst the Edinburgh Comedy Festival is on. Whilst I and thousands of others enjoy the Festival, there are some locals who find the whole thing a big inconvenience.

So, putting myself in the mindset of a fictional (and very messed up) Festival-hater, here are my top ten reasons to avoid Edinburgh during the Festival:

1) Your psychologist has told you to avoid horrendous traffic congestion. He's concerned about your road rage affliction.

2) You also suffer from pavement rage and are afraid the crowds will
provoke you into making the front page news.

3) Too many people trying to thrust leaflets into your hand is irritating.
Let's face it you've got a basic anger management problem. 

4) You once dated a comedian/actor and want to avoid the awkwardness that would ensue if you bumped into him/her.

5) Overpriced food and drink makes it expensive to wine and dine any new comedian/actor that you might meet.

6) Having to listen to Edinburgh residents complaining about the Festival
 always results in you telling them that you're from war-torn Afghanistan and that things could be worse.

7) Too many people ask you directions. Can't they buy a map?

8) You're a philistine and culture offends your brutish sensibilities.

9) You had a bad previous Festival experience and are now traumatised for life.

10) You couldn't be bothered getting off your bum and anyway there's Big Brother repeats on TV.

Do any of these reasons strike a chord? Hopefully not all of them, although (if so) you could always write a show about your neuroses!